Irony - Part II

Some folks are picking at my contention that "the future of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Wisconsin has been put in the hands of two straight, single folks."

People point out that Mike Tate may have a girlfriend. Straight guys do have them, ya know. But until he's "married" in the eyes of the IRS and everyone else he's "single." Perhaps one of the reason Mike burns for this issue is that he's in some form of domestic partnership. I haven't heard it in his stump speech or in the PR releases though.

Julaine openly claims straight singlehood: In her April 10 Wisconsin Family Connection she offered up as much when she said: "I'm frequently asked why I as a single, never-married, straight, no-children woman care so much about marriage. It's a fair question."

Now I know many of my lesbian friends tell me that their gaydar goes "ding" when they're in close contact with Julaine. I also know from friends down in Watertown about the sightings of a long-time female house share. That does not make her "not straight."

Gay people who have lived through an extended coming out process are the last ones who should be throwing up the "guilt by association" canard. Remember how you felt when it was dumped on you? To paraphrase Nathan Hale: "Give me Polaroids or save your breath."

Then again if Julaine's relationship is as long-term as the reports indicate, it might be considered a domestic partnership - since sex is not a pre-condition for any relationship (yes, even for marriage).

"Accepting children lovingly from God" is a vow of Holy Matrimony, not civil marriage. Unless you're writing your own vows it's officially "love, honor and obey" not "love, honor and roll in the hay."

One of the reasons the Coalition of Wisconsin Aging groups is opposed the the amendment is the impact it can have on the companion-based domestic partnership of senior widows and widowers. Those relationships were challenged in Utah after a similar broadly-worded amendment was passed there.

Sure, sex may be part of some of those seasoned relationships, but from the personal testimony I've heard from many of those couples, the only thing heating up the sheets for them is the electric blanket. Its the caring for one another (and the desire to maintain full Social Security benefits) that drives nearly all of those senior "shack ups."

Many of the supporters of the marriage and civil unions ban seem to come from a belief that sex drives marital relations across the board. Anyone who has ever attended a bridal shower or a bachelor party knows a lot of straight people appear to think that way. Those of us who have been engaged in this fight over the years know that once you get a supporter talking about same sex unions, its really the "homo sex thing" that drives them crazy. What a low opinion of the human heart - straight or gay!

Who knows? Maybe its jealousy - a new twist on the "haves" versus the "have nots." I know I pray every night to my Unitarian "to whom it may concern" that I have one tenth the sex life that these professional homo-haters claim I do. Unfortunately, the ways things have been they'll be playing Billy Preston's "Nothing From Nothing" at my final send-off.

Over the years, I've attended the homo-haters' rallies. I learned more about bizarre sex practices during a speech by "Pink Swastika" author Scott Lively than I ever had in all the gay periodicals and chat sessions I've ever encountered. A close second: a speech by pseudo-researcher Paul Cameron. I gotta thank Rantin' Ralph Ovadal and his 1990's "truth tours" for those illuminations. These guys are sex-obsessed. But what both these guys forgot is that sex practices are sex practices - what makes them homo or hetero are the parties involved.

Fortunately each day more and more Wisconsinites are learning - much to the chagrin of the "all marriage is sex" gang - that gay and lesbian unions are far more about about who puts out the garbage than who puts out, or about getting the laundry and the housework done than gettin' busy in the bedroom. In other words, just like those bizarre sex practices the quality of our relationships is not based on the sexes of the partners, but on the commitment and shared values of the couple.

When we defeat the ban this November - and each day I'm more convinced we will - the greatest irony may be that straight Wisconsin understands just how much alike they are to queer folk. Its all about hearts, not private parts.